Who do I think I am?
A Reflection on Matthew 14:22-33
When I was in college, depending on what kind of a day I had, I would sometimes stick my earbuds in, turn on my mp3 player (this was before smartphones), and walk across campus pretending like there was a soundtrack to my life. The song I loved to listen to on those days was, “Bad Day,” by Daniel Powter. I loved the irony of this song that was about struggling through a bad day, yet was so upbeat and cheerful sounding. It would almost always put me in a better mood, and I would relish walking back to my dorm room to the music only I could hear.
There is still a soundtrack to my life. Only now instead of upbeat music, it is a soundtrack of blaring accusations:
“They don’t want you here.”
“You can’t do that.”
“What will they think of you?”
“Who do you think you are?”
Who do I think I am? Who am I to write, to speak, to teach, to… anything?
I feel like Peter in the boat that windy night. I see Jesus approaching me. I feel the tug in my heart to step out, to do what feels impossible.
“Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water.” (Matthew 14:28)
But the wind, oh the wind! And the waves! It is the soundtrack, the whispers, starting quiet but gradually getting louder and louder…
“You can’t do that, what will people think? How dare you believe that you can walk on water?”
But God. (see Ephesians 2:4)
I look to Him. He beckons me, “Come.” And I realize, with Him, I can.
Because the question is not who do I think I am? The question is actually, who does He think I am?
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I am chosen. (Ephesians 1:4)
I am forgiven and redeemed. (Ephesians 1:7)
I am called. (Romans 8:28)
And if I am called, then, who am I not to do it? Who am I to disobey what I feel the Spirit calling me to do?
So, yes, Lord. I will come. I will step out onto the water. I will do whatever you ask of me. Give me just enough faith to do it, even if it is only the size of a mustard seed. I know I can do it if you are with me. Though the wind, the soundtrack of lies, tries to keep me from hearing your voice, I will follow you. I will do what feels impossible.