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Becoming an Emotional Adult

“Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to live in dreams.” (The Brothers Karamozov by Dostoevsky)

Learning to love well in an emotionally healthy way is a big part of becoming an emotionally healthy adult. Many of us are stuck “emotionally.” We may be an emotional infant, child, adolescent, adult, or have qualities of each of these emotional maturity levels. It’s important to be aware of where we are now, so that we can do the work of growing emotionally as God desires us to. We need to grow from seeing the world and relationships as I-It, (we are the center of the universe, seeing the other person as an object for our own purposes) to I-Thou (we are each sacred and of equal dignity, therefore we see the other person as a unique “I” and we connect with them across our differences while still remaining our own “I.”) We took the quiz (linked below!) and we discuss what it looks like to be where we are emotionally, and how we can try to grow into the emotional adults God created us to be. A big part of this is how we deal with conflict. Are we false peacemakers or do we see true peace? Scazzero gives us practical ways to grow emotionally and resolve conflict in an emotionally healthy way:

1) Communication – learning to speak and listen in an emotionally healthy way

2) Stop Mind Reading!! Being willing to speak how we are feeling vulnerably.

3) Bill of Rights – what are our rules for relationships, how we will be respected by and respect the other person

4) Clarify Expectations – make them conscious, realistic, spoken, and agreed upon

5) Allergies and Triggers – be aware of the way past hurts come into our current relationships and be willing to share and heal (see our Episode in Season 1 – How Triggers Lead to Healing)

Resources we mention:

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

How Emotionally Healthy are You? Assessment

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